Friday, March 30, 2007

Lazy Stupid People, Volume I

Sit down and strap yourself in, this is the one you have been waiting for. Stupid and lazy people beware.

I'm really getting sick of the attitude of the residents of this country. No, not every one, but too many stupid ideas are becoming universally accepted. This is the first in a series.

Let's start with one that will anger lots of readers: fat people. You're not overweight, you're not undertall, you're not thyroidally challenged. You are FAT. Sure there are conditions that make it HARDER to lose weight, or easier to gain weight, but that is not an excuse to weigh so much. Now if you are happy in your gluttony and you are not impeding my progress, that's fine. The problem begins when you want a handicap sticker, you want to sit next to me on an airplane, or you want me to interview you for a job.

It is your own stupid fault that you are so fat, and allowing you to park CLOSER to the store is just going to make your problem WORSE.

You are too lazy to get enough exercise to burn off all of the McDonald's and other restaurant foods that you eat, but I'm the one who needs to be uncomfortable on a 3 hour flight with your rolls pushing up against me? I have long legs, so I want the damn exit row. You're just fat, you should be in the far back of the plane so you can get more EXERCISE on the way in and out.

So now you want a job. If you're qualified, that's awesome. But if you want to deal with people face to face on a daily basis, don't be a big sweaty nasty blob! Get a job in radio (WBEE Rochester, morning show for example) or behind the scenes if you want to maintain your nasty lifestyle.

Ladies and Gentleman, I'm not the first to say it, but I will say it again: The new miracle diet is for you to put down the damn cheeseburger and go for a walk! Don't run yet, that's too much flab bouncing, and we don't want to see it. Stop reading Cathy cartoons that tell you it's ok to be frumpy and start watching the Biggest Loser that shows you how to change your life.

Start small on your way to being small: Reduce your portion size and get some form of exercise at least 5 days a week. PLEASE, help us be a less fat society. If you have to have a bigger reason, do it for your kids. Fat parents often have fat kids, and even if they aren't fat, they'll be made fun of because you are. Now stop reading this post and go burn some calories!

Monday, March 26, 2007

Playing in the mud

So it's mud slinging time, are you excited? Good thing the Presidential election is a year and a half away. The Democrats have a handful of candidates already, the most notable ones being Hillary "Don't Call Me Bill's Wife" Clinton and Barack Obamination.

Neither has a terribly long political career, unless you count 8 years of being First Lady. They are both members of "minority groups" and are waving those flags high. Recently, their race has been all about pointing out flaws in each other. Did you people not learn from the follies of the last election? The more bad things you say about your opponent, the more patching up you have to do after the election (or before it, if you choose the person you've been bashing for months as your running mate).

The Republicans have been noticeably quieter, at least on who their presidential candidates are. This could be due to the fact that they are sorting out who in the current administration is to blame for the corruption and mismanagement of the Iraq debacle. "Hey let's make a list of people who would suck as presidential candidates and blame them for Iraq!"

I know I'm being a bit vague here and I apologize, I will get to the point. This political party system is garbage, the whole election process is flawed for that matter. We need a system where each candidate is their own person, and they can travel the country explaining their views and why one should vote for them. From there we have an election, but what's with this electoral college crap? I know that people in this country can be kinda stupid sometimes (one of these days I'll post my thoughts on stupid people, expect it to be a LONG one), but we certainly don't need another level of bureaucracy in this process.

Here's an idea:
The Internets are pretty amazing these days. Anyone who has the capability to vote certainly should be able to watch a series of campaign speeches and debates either online or on television. Let's bring the issues out in the open and worry less about leaks into the press about people's past or how something that a candidate said can be misinterpreted as slanderous or insulting to a particular group.

Now of course there will be problems, but wouldn't it be better to hear about candidates' stance on the issues instead of all the mudslinging? Sure the press has a right to dig, but that's a whole different blog. Remember Dragnet? "Just the facts, ma'am." Let's make elections that way.

Saturday, March 24, 2007


Wow, I hate the NCAA.
I love sports, and I loved college, and I love college sports. However, the NCAA is really starting to piss me off. Clarkson, my alma mater, was here in Rochester this weekend for the NCAA Hockey Regionals. I'm psyched, because I am a hockey fan, and I know this will bring a bunch of people to Rochester who I don't get to see too often. That said, this weekend pissed me off.

First, they were only selling weekend passes to the games up until this week. Alright, get a little more money out of people, but give them a "deal". Some fucking deal, the tickets were $71 a person. For that you get 3 games, but they know damn well that you're going to go to a maximum of two because that's the most your team can be a part of.
I'll give them the benefit of the doubt though...3 games for $71. Quick math gives tells me that's over $23 dollars per game. Now I know what many of you are thinking, Super Bowl tickets are like 10 times that. Yes, BUT-that's a professional sport with paid athletes and an over-hyped, over-wardrobe-malfunctioned halftime show. I'm talking about a COLLEGE game. So you're charging me $23 a seat per game, and then we find out that when our team loses, they have to get on the bus that night and go back home because the NCAA is not paying for rooms for losers. This seems to break two rules of "fair play": You are kicking people out for losing, because you only like winners, and you're not allowing that losing team to watch the next game and be show their good sportsmanship by cheering on other teams. I want my $71 back. OK my $142 back, because my wife went too. OK my $150 back because of some ticket master "handling" fees....but that's another blog in itself.

I will give you think, I'm running on 2.5 hours of sleep and my alma mater fell to a lower seeded school last night, so I may not be completely coherent. The fact remains that the NCAA really pisses me off, and is way too focused on making money and not nearly enough on the spirit of the game. We wonder why we get spoiled brats in professional sports? It all starts in the NC$$.

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Mexico can solve their own problems

So our esteemed (I use that term loosely, a la Coach Crandall) Mr. Bush has completed his tour of the countries south of us. I refuse to use to term Latin America because that's just a stupid name.So Mr. Bush, at least in words if not in actions, is giving sympathy and support in light of the needs of these struggling countries. Are you serious douchebag? Are you trying to make peace with your demons before you leave office? Here's the deal: Those countries are poor. That sucks for them. Mexico, of all countries, has no reason to bitch. Our city of Rochester is bleeding out the ass because of Mexico's cheap labor. Companies like Kodak have sent THOUSANDS of jobs there because it's chaper to do business there. And it's our fault that they're poor? That just makes no fucking sense. Get your stupid coke sniffing, fat-white-conservative-butt kissing ass back in the country and start focusing on our problems.We import way more than we export, we pollute way more than we clean, and we eat way more than we exercise. Address those things, Mr. President, then you can tell me how badly we should feel for the rest of the world.