Friday, April 6, 2007

LSP III - Drivers

Yup, it's time to let you know how badly you drive. It seems that lately I don't get through a day without yelling at someone on the road. It's not road rage, it's utter frustration with other people not understanding some basic concepts:

The directional signal was installed for a reason, SO PLEASE USE IT. This is supposedly everyone's pet peeve, but people still make lane chages and turns with no signal at all? Sure, I forget every once in a while, but that's usually only at intersections when I'm in a turn only lane so I don't really have a choice.

Directional signal leads into another one: Using your directional signal does not require me to let you in. Scenario: you're in the left lane, your exit is approaching, traffic is bumper to bumper, and you need to get over. Sure, I will do my best to accommodate you, but if you just cut me off a few miles back, I am not letting you in. Plan ahead next time. This also applies for the "oops my lane is ending, I need yours". If you didn't know the lane was ending, that's your fault, not mine. Stay there until it's safe to merge.

Ooh, merging, another great topic! Although I have stated that I am not obligated to allow you to change lanes at will, I am bound by common sense to move over a lane when I am approaching a busy on-ramp. Don't know if the on-ramp is going to be busy? Move over just in case.

More about lanes-know your lanes and what they mean. There is a law on the books in most (if not all) states that says very simply "KEEP RIGHT EXCEPT TO PASS". Let's make a simple connection in your head: You have the RIGHT to be in the RIGHT lane at all times. The LEFT lane if for LEADFOOTS. There, easy enough? While you're at it, make sure you are at least APPROACHING the speed limit when you drive. I am sick of traveling 40 mph in a 55. Every time I catch some fat sweaty moron or preoccupied soccer mom in the left lane or tooling alone on a two-lane road well underspeed, I want to shoot out a tire or two. I have been know to pass them aggressively and cut in front of them to get my point across. Unfortunately, these people are many times too oblivious to get it.

Speaking of soccer moms (and dads), here's another problem. There are too many people buying minivans today. They are big and bloated, usually underpowered, and not all that safe for their passengers. Sure they may have "five star crash test ratings", but that's when they are on a track in a testing facility, not with a soccer parent behind the wheel. How many people do you know who have gone directly from their cute little Volkswagen Cabriolet to a minivan with no thought at all? Hm, you think they might handle a little differently? I propose further division of the driver's license. Sure we have commercial classes, but we should have passenger classes as well. Classes A through E are already used, and we'll keep D for the larger passenger vehicles. The new Class F will be for Fucking retarded people who will be allowed to drive a car that is no more than 4 cylinders and 150 hp, holds no more than 4 people, and weighs no more than 3000 pounds. If you want to maintain the current class D license, you must take a road test on something that fits the larger criteria. Sorry Tiffany/Britney/othergenericditzyname, you, your kid, and your babydaddy all need to fit in the Neon, and no SRT package for you.

So mentioning road tests brings up another point: We allow our citizens to drive a car their entire lifetime with only ONE driver's test. This is ridiculous. I propose driver's tests every 10 years at the most, preferably every 5. This will allow us to weed out some of the morons and many of the old people who should barely be operating a walker, let alone a 2 ton+ Lincoln Town Crap. The AARP will have a fit, but we really need to stop listening to them. They are painfully old and annoying. More on that over at http://mostcasualobserver.blogspot.com/2007/03/terrorist-groups-starts-with.html

So ladies and gentlemen, the next time you get on the road, please think of me. I represent competent drivers who feel that the world would be a better place if more people paid attention to their driving skills. Learn the roads, know your vehicle and its limits. There are so many other things I could get into ("Just because you have an SUV, it's doesn't make you invulnerable", "Keep backing up, you have 20 feet before you hit anything and your 10-point turn is KILLING me") but for now this will do. In summary: LEARN HOW TO FUCKING DRIVE!

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